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Choose Your Own Path, but Visit Others Along the Way

by Karen Izzi, M.S.

Plenty of closet space and hobby time, cable TV and movies, a heated swimming pool, the fun of running an errand. Wow! With all this and more available at so many assisted living facilities, it may seem that seniors have it made.

But, do they? Have you considered that some days, even the perkiest in our “mature” crowd may need extra motivation just to help them get out of bed? Sometimes even the strongest and most dignified “elder statesperson” may actually need to see someone else’s smile to feel worthy of themselves.

Since a large number of residents in assisted living facilities do not have a spouse or relatives nearby, many miss the simple comfort of having someone to share life with. Their lives suddenly evolve around bathing schedules, taking medication or a random hug from their housekeeper or a delivery person. Weekends, especially, can become a time of loneliness or boredom. The warmth and friendliness of another person is difficult to live without.

The person who’s now limited to what may feel like a comfortable prison could be our grandparent, friend, relative or perhaps a former neighbor.

There are so many things that we can do if we just put them first for a change. If this person is your family member, think about the days that they spend without you. Just because they are living away from you doesn’t mean they want to. Be a good friend by visiting frequently! Practice good listening skills and do not be too quick to talk about yourself. Seniors enjoy storytelling and reminiscing.

For decades, studies have shown that seniors also benefit from having a pet or spending time with yours. These visits are extremely therapeutic and actually can reduce stress and anxiety associated with living alone or away from their home. (But, be sure if you visit with your pet that the little darling stays secure on a leash, just in case others are not as delighted by a warm smooch from your pooch.)

Seniors are inspired by young people. Bringing your children or grandchildren to visit is guaranteed to bring smiles. Our older friends are always interested in what’s in style and are inspired by hearing stories of soccer, band practice, creative writing, or a report card full of As. Share with them current magazines, newspaper clippings and things that you know are of interest to them.

Dress up a bulletin board or create a collage of pictures. These should include family members, favorite places, church newsletters or vacation spots. By decorating you can help seniors remember that a world of people love and care about them! Continually remind them of how many shared memories you have come to appreciate.

Since our self esteem does not improve as we age, encourage these special friends that it’s fun to dress with a creative flair, and it feels good to take time to “get gussied up” and to always feel fresh and clean! The better they feel about the way that they look, the healthier they will be. In fact, it’s especially important that they receive monthly haircuts, manicures, and pedicures. Tell them how fabulous they look and see how powerful your enthusiasm can be. You will notice that mixing happiness with a positive attitude is quite contagious.

Bring the gift of love. With a card that you made yourself, go and visit your friend on his or her birthday. Refresh their memory about special days, or ways that we honor and celebrate everyday life. If they are able to enjoy an outing, surprise them with a lunch date—or bring something special. Invite a small group of friends or ask relatives to join you. Breaking bread together is a very meaningful way to help someone feel cared for and loved.

Spiritual healers, no matter what denomination, tell us that we are all capable of healing ourselves and others. All loving relationships bring compassion and joy. Laughter is the universal language, and a far-reaching way of sharing our kindness. Keep a good joke on the tip of your tongue for that special person. Offer your kindness to help them get over an illness, pain or suffering. Don’t forget to give of yourself with your whole heart. Even if we only have a few hours to share, with the sincere intent of helping them heal, we can make a difference.