Fear is Caregiver's Greatest Emotion by Karen Karle, Ph.D .
In the Chinese calendar, 1998 is the "Year of the Tiger." The Tiger is known for being a fearless risk taker. I, too, am a tiger, and I believe that this year will be meaningful for me. Fear is an emotion that seems to be part of a caregiver's experience, especially those caregivers whose loved ones have Alzheimer¹s disease. The dictionary, in part, defines "fear" as a "painful emotion marked by alarm, an anxious concern." How true. We are constantly in a state of change. We are so fearful of making a drastically wrong decision that the fear takes over and no decision is made. This causes us to have more fear of future major decisions which still have to be faced. While speaking with a caregivers recently, I told them I was going to write about "fear" for my next column. They all understood, and agreed that fear can control your emotions. They asked that I share their experiences of the many ways fear has presented itself in their lives. John said he has been through World War II, had an abusive past, raised children, and been through many physical ailments in the past 70 years, but nothing prepared him for the fear of leaving his wife Karen Karle is an active member of the Tampa Bay Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. She writes about caregiver happenings in her area, and shares her experiences as well as those of other caregivers. Karen is an AIHT graduate, with a doctorate in Metaphysics. in a dementia unit alone and helpless. Placement is the most fearful issue within my support groups. Mary told us about her mother trying to prepare dinner and almost setting the house on fire. There were empty frying pans and a tea kettle with no water on the stove when mom turned on all of knobs to high, including the broiler. Mary had just been outside talking to a neighbor for a few minutes. Joe was driving his father to Iowa from Florida. They stopped at a motel somewhere in Tennessee. His father refused to go into the motel with this strange man. Joe and his father had to return to Florida, and the next day, the father remembered nothing of the incident, and wanted to know when they were leaving for Iowa. Doris is caring for her divorced son, who has early-onset Alzheimer¹s. He is 42 and she is 78. Her deepest fears have been realized, as her husband was also taken from her by age 50, after two years in a coma in a nursing home. She wonders if her grandson has the same cruel genetic makeup. All of these situations provoke deep fear in us. If we could, we would change our loved ones back to the way they were. But, as of today, that is not a possibility, so we cope and struggle along with the knowledge and tools that have been given to us by others in like situations. It is the best we can do for now. Our lives will be touched, affected, redefined, and changed forever through Alzheimer's disease. It has made us fearful, but it has also graced us with a certain powerfulness that others do not yet understand. We have faced our worst enemies. Tomorrow will dawn again, but we have been given a little more strength in which to live with this disease, one more minute, hour, day at a time.
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